I need opinions, best answer to constructive critis.?

Daisy, across the Broadway path


The girl with fame


In place of a heart





Singing out those small-town blues


Tied down to the past,


By buckle-up shoes





She would watch her stars


Each day and night


The walk of fame, her paradise





As the sun went down,


She lost disguise, un-zipped her top


Spread out her thighs





A snort of crack, a quick shoot up


Bubbles gone, she’s back on top


Time to grace her stage again





Oh, such a glamorous way


To pay the bills, greasy poles


And one night thrills





She dreamt of meeting Spielberg


To stand up with Monroe


Yet all she earned was money


From those in the front row





She always wanted to be a star,


She was my star


She’s fallen now.














please bear in mine i am only 13


and have so far missed a year of my schooling, so i do not know whether it is up to scratch.

I need opinions, best answer to constructive critis.?
It is awesome. You go girl. Keep it up.
Reply:i think its really good. i love the sarcastic line %26quot;oh such a glamorous way to pay the bills greasy poles and one night thrills%26quot; it represents the hard struggle of an actress, but doesn%26#039;t end with her fufilling the %26quot;american dream%26quot; or whatever, but shows whats more likely the reality. its sad and depressing, but its a GOOD poem. i think you should change the last stanza, esp. the last two lines of the last stanza. its a little cheesy, no offense. and maybe you want to change the first stanza a bit. but its a great poem, seriously
Reply:send a copy of it to a lawyer....send a copy to a poet%26#039;s site...send a copy to local newspaper...send a copy to book publishers...protect it so no one can steal it.....you are on your way to a great career.....good work!!!!
Reply:it seems to me that%26#039;s its about a really close family member that you love but are also ashamed of...





i love poems and its a well written poem that came from the heart those will never go wrong





keep your head up you have a bright future
Reply:I think you poem is good but sad. I wonder why you have missed school. Perhaps you can, and should go back. some poets go on to be best seller novel writers.


I just hope you are not Daisy.
Reply:Its a good first attempt. Leave out the drug references until you can define context. Keep going. Talent is cultivated.



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